(now and then)

Seems like even though time had its intention of flying,

cherished memories to make it sore high

life has a funny way of showing you where you belong

and then its kicks you

and keeps on hurting you till you lay there still

trying to take comfort in the fact

that you have fond memories with your loved ones

and you did not waste your life completely

you lived a little for what its worth

the light at the end of the tunnel keeps

on fading away...

this pit seems to get deeper and deeper

problems keep on getting bigger and bigger

hopes keep dying

faith keeps lying

picture a better tomorrow

or atleast try to

because that is the only

thing my mind can do

with the fading ounces of

energy it has left

three years ago..
lying on the bed side the vast , seemingly endless pile of books
staring at the ceiling
observing how the fan lazily rotates
slashing the air
wondering where this life might take me
unknown territories to be explored
the entire world to be explored
i'm just young, dazed and confused
wondering what happens next
waiting for life to happen

now..
drinking my life away
smoking away like there is no tomorrow
staring at immovable objects
hoping they could talk back
give me some insight
looking for the unkind future to be kind to me
staring at this dark room
hoping against all hope
someday...
anyday...
maybe tomorrow..
maybe my next life..
eternal sunshine for my damaged soul
i just lay there till sleep triumphs over me

things that are here to stay

rage,fury,frustration,fear,anger,riot,hunger,
they are all here to stay,
stuck up inside me

love,happiness,satisfaction,culmination of my existence,satisfaction fucking satisfaction.
i wish they were here to stay,
maybe they could have made me a better being.

anxiousness, fucking hopelessness, envious living, life that worse than yelling "cherry fucks" to the entire world
tough times are fucking here to stay sadly.
clipping on to me like fucking parasites.

live.let live.follow.perceive.feel.sense.fuck.work.travel.discover .hope.rejoice.drink.give to the world.be yourself.
And hope that its true what they say about karma.

peace

(random thoughts..)


standing alone in this cold winter
looking away as the wind goes by
smoking a cigarette as it was the only joy
where do I go?
where do I begin?
How I got here is what i've
been pondering upon since ages..
life is mystical and absurd..
never makes you happy when you need it the most

inanimate oblivion is what I got..
love and peace long divorced the human race
fear has become like an old friend now..
insecurity is what I finally settled for..
past is like a constant reminder of the doubtful
and unfulfilling present..
future is like this big clouded sky..
that never promises to rain..

Is there hope?
I guess i'll let the wind answer that one..
what do I do?
my head is young, dazed and confused.
but I guess painful silence is all that I deserve..
reminds you of all the wrong that culminated
to this point..
culmination of my very being..
hope to see a better tomorrow
is what i keep on telling myself..
In the end
I Hope I was right.

Ruby.

alone i walked..
a long day it had been.
i carried a long face
that said it all
frustration.boredom.meaningless living
but then i saw you..
and you made all this go away
and then nothing in this world
seemed to matter anymore
just that innocent smile of yours.

I did not have friends
no one special to talk to.
but all that never mattered
because i had you
and that charming face of yours
and the times we played together
in that small peaceful world we lived in
I'll miss that beautiful face of yours

life will keep on going on.
summer will come and go..
and autumn will never cease to amaze us.
But it will never be the same without you
I'll miss those eyes of yours
that could say a million things
You made me the person i am today.
made me believe in unconditional love
when love itself seemed deceitful.
I don't think i ever imagined a world without you
but i guess life was never intended
to be a fairy tale..
with a happy ending...

At last i guess i need to thank you..
for showing me what goodness is ..
for telling me with those eyes of yours..
everything is going to be all right..
it's all going to be all right..
we all are going to be all right..
I guess I'll never be the same without you..
But in the end..end of it all..
i hope i was able to love you enough..
Hope you had the time of your life..


(In loving memory of my first dog..the prettiest dog in the world..Ruby...I'll really miss her..she's the one who uncomplicated life for me to say the least...i hope she finds peace up there)

I Don't Know What To Do With Myself

i don't know what to do with myself..
just happens that i'm boored as ever..
even a snow flake takes millions
of years to pass me by..
its getting cold..
so cold its hard to breathe..
passiveness is the submissive truth..
i don't know what to do with myself.

it getting too hard..
to hard to see the world evolve..
change is an inevitable reality..
as i lay isolated..
ignorance was never a bliss..
clouds seem hard to pass by..
wind is freakishly deceptive..
as moonlight takes over
as times change..
people are changing..
i just don't know what to do with myself.

Boredom is the highest hierarchy
confinement is just its slave.
as degrading lifestyle prospers..
silent whispers of the rustling leaves..
seasons never did cease to change..
neither did the waves...
hitting my boat..
making it give up to its ominous strength.
as i still stand against all the winds..
looking away from change.
deifying the turbulence of the ocean.
these are brimming tears of joy.
or maybe not
I don't know what to do with myself

staring down at a bottomless pond
hoping to see a life form.
someone who can hear me out
without sentimental judgement
because that is all there is left
of this world...
looking out of the window..
staring at the dim sunset.
as the last golden rays leave
this place..
loneliness is all there is to it..
i hope people find love..
because life in the end..
is one ride that everybody needs
to take alone..
some have figured it out..
for the rest.
time will be their immaculate master..
I don't know what to do with myself

Let's Burn The Midnight Oil

(while pulling all-nighters)

Crumpling eyes..
Drooping eyelids..
degenerative consciousness..
swaing mind..
with a profound sickness.
these are tough times
looking down at a long night..
sunrise is for the weak..
-------------------------------
Why is this so difficult?
focus mind..focus..
nicotine..do your thing
I'll never divorce caffeine..
just let me get through this night
let me redeem myself
-------------------------------
Insomnia wrapping me slowly
around itself
Let's burn the midnight oil
late hours of awakening..
goddamn soul searching..
words playing around
in front of me.
But sleep is for the weak
but dazed and confused is what
i am.
Give me knowledge
Give me re-awakening
Something for my eternal gratification
give me a ray of hope
A better tomorrow
As this night is getting
harder and harder to get through
Let's burn the midnight oil.

(PS-i almost passed out while writing this)