Internal Conflict!!

Restlessness yet numbness.failure.stomp!.i smoke.walk alone.shit happens!.get it out

Weakness.immobility.I fail.arghh!.break a glass.scream!.smoke.walk alone.try to get it out.

perfect morning.good things are finally going to happen.that's the way it's supposed to be.I fail.why me?.I smoke.Loose all control.walk alone furiously judging Him harshly.hysterical moments.i can't get it out anymore.

It's been some time.May be there is a ray of hope.maybe life has grey patches after all.it's a beautiful day.things finally looking up.I fail.I smoke.get zonked.arghh!.volatile fury is what this is.break anything i see.I can't do this anymore.arghh!.stomp!.*sound of things breaking narrating a story of it's own*.

Maybe it's not Worth it anymore!!

Technicality..

i hate you..everything about you...as you creep into our omnious souls..breed and feed on rat-race that defines who we our in these troubled times...Simplicity and complexity go hand in hand now..
An analogue guy stuck in a digital world is what i am..
I hate it..it's spoiled the very essence of life...patience is facing a slow degrading death that's worse than cancer as it slowly parts ways with the human race...
as we look forward to the future..forgetting how wonderful our past was...and how great our present could have been...slipping away from the memory lane...
goodbye patience..
you were an endearing trait to have indeed...
you will be missed...

Suttle Numbness

Boulevard of broken dreams as the song goes

Is what it seemed to be.......

Watching silently all I ever wished to become

Go up on smoke as its beautifully circled around me..

As I watched myself puff the last drag out..

Take it in and let the nicotine do it’s thing is what they say

And then let there be light...

But all i witnessed was burning desire go up in ashes

As i sinfully waste my life away

With all my past mistakes haunting me..

Hitting me like the angry waves

Of shimmering dark waters

Images of your life flicker by your eyes

They say..

But I wasn’t dead...not even close

But slowly dying from within

With every passing moment...

Slow inner degradation is what this is...

Fading vision...pain starting to seep in

Is this what they call dying?

If so, then my time has come

Carrying the burden of having made a million mistakes

Being an err of a person

Having led an ever selfish life..

Blinded by which i lost my way..

Path that promised to show me truth..

And lead me to my destiny

Is this what He planned for me?

Coz fate has got me pretty bad..

Like an injured bird i lay there

Trying to figure out where i went wrong..

And feeling sorry for myself

Waiting for the scavengers to hover around

Any time soon..

Soon enough..

And to be torn apart into peices..

With my eyes narrating the painful story..

Called my life..

Sublime numbness is what I endear..

The passing wind..

Is the only thing..

I feel, breathe and see..

Good memories were they indeed..

Nostalgic moments is what is left of them

But it’s time to let go

Fear is just the beginning and utter darkness

The end..end end of this saga

The end of me

The journey’s been like a movie..

Except after the ending..

There will be no credits..

No one to thank as such..

Just a blank screen...with an anonymous identity

No song that brings tears to one’s eyes or that’s cheerful

Just plain silence...

And the sound of rustling of leaves..

And a bright screen that follows...

White light..

So bright..

It’s starts to hurt....

quit!..before it gets too dark

quit now..or stay in this sublime numbness forever
quit..before the sun stops shining
before the wind stops blowing
and the moon stops glowing

coz' quitting is what
i have always done..
as the glowing path
leading towards my destiny
has started to fade away
slowly yet making its presence
very clear..

some wise-ass said
"winners never quit"
somebody lied...
and very truthfully so..
is there only white and black..
two sides to this strange little mystery called life
or is there an infinite grey..
that transcends even to the slightest
human emotion
is there destiny that links us not..
and not giving up being an integral part..
or is it just fate that leads us
to our ultimatum..

becoz quit is all i can do..
as this life takes on unexpected turns..
one after the other..
with no seemingly possible exit..
do i leave or do i stay?
the question that's almost been bugging me since a lifetime
or atleast so it seems..
do i adhere to my co-existence..
as the time freezes by...
to let me know that darkness is going
to be sweeping past me my..
the "exit" sign is all is see..
do i quit or do i stay?